My son’s condition, a severe form of epilepsy, began 1,013 days ago. 1,013 days. It’s hard to believe. Navigating the world of a special needs child and caring for him still feels so new and unfamiliar. As you can imagine, it brings a mix of emotions.
It has been 1,013 days of living a life I would never in a million years choose, nor one that I would wish on my worst enemy. For 1,013 days, I have lived out one of my deepest fears, watching my child suffer and struggle. Many of those days wondering if he would be with us in the next. Many days begging God for answers, healing and ANYTHING that might take this away or make it better. The reality is, Judah’s circumstances haven’t changed much.
I wish I could share all that God has done in and around me in these 1,013 days. How HE has been enough. How HE has provided everything we need. How HE has brought many souls into the kingdom for ETERNITY. How HE has matured us and deepened our trust in HIS GOOD PLANS. How HE has used adversity to bring His good and perfect will to pass. But I can’t explain it all here. It is supernatural work that our Father is always doing and many times it just does not fit our practical minds. He has promised to make us mature and complete, lacking nothing THROUGH TRIAL. (James 1:2-4) I know He will do the same in this pandemic.
All of the fear and anxiety I’m experiencing, seeing and hearing about reminds me of the 103 days we were “quarantined” in a hospital room on the 5th floor of CHP. Physically, we could leave, but our hearts and minds couldn’t. They were stuck in that room, laying on a bed, fighting for their lives. Much like you may feel stuck where you are today. My faith has never been so severely attacked. In my fear and confusion, the enemy shot deadly arrows, aiming for my soul, which was shielded by Christ. Don’t be surprised if you experience the same in this trial. Be prepared. Ephesians 6:10-20)
Every single day, we had to see what we didn’t want to see, hear what we didn’t want to hear and go where we never wanted to go. And every single day, God went ahead of us, giving us new eyes to see and new ears to hear. He whispered to us to shift our gaze upward. He transformed us to fix our eyes and what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18) He caused us to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2) He carried us along paths we never desired because we could not walk them on our own. He shaped us, matured us, and we are much better for it.
I have to believe the same for my sweet boy. I can say to him, “Judah, God has a good plan for you.” I actually believe it with all my heart. Not because everything is okay or because I am okay, because it isn’t and I’m not. I can say those words and believe them because I am sustained and strengthened, minute by minute. He can do the same for you. Somehow, God has brought me here to this 1,013th day. I am reminded that God’s good plan and our good plans are vastly different. I have to surrender to His version of good. I have to trust His perfect wisdom in this. It makes no sense to me, but He tells me in His word that His thoughts are not my thoughts, they are higher. (Isaiah 55:8-9) His ways are not my ways, they are higher. I know the one it makes sense to and I trust Him. Not surprisingly, the coronavirus pandemic has triggered all the uncertainty of the beginning of our journey with Judah, but God has led us to faith, even in all the uncertainty. Hope that cannot be moved or touched. The scriptures call it an anchor for the soul. (Hebrews 6:19) That is what we have been called to if we are in Christ. We walk by faith and not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) We walk believing and not seeing. This is faith. (Hebrews 11:1)
1,013 days in, I can tell you this; I trust God and He is trustworthy, friend. You can trust Him, too. Believe it. He truly is enough to walk you through any circumstance. I won’t lie to you and say it will all be okay because it’s not ok that my baby boy is not ok. God promises you in this world you will have trouble, but take heart for He has overcome the world. (John 16:33)
He promises us that He who is in is greater than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4
He will give you abiding joy and gladness. Acts 2:28
He will never leave nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5
He is working all of this out for good. Romans 8:28
There is nothing He won’t carry us through. There is nothing He has not placed under His feet. (Ephesians 1:22-23) He has conquered all and in Him, so have you. He will cause you to stand because that is who He is. You are His.
So for today, will you believe that with me? Can you say to Him today, “I trust you” and mean it from the center of your being? When you see the scary thing and get the bad news, will you trust Him? Will you do that with me? Run with me? Walk with me? Crawl with me? Trust with me? He will never let you go. Day 1 or day 1,013, His promises will not change. They are ours to live in, freely and victoriously. As children of God, we are invited to fully trust in our Father’s loving care. There is no darkness in Him. This life we didn’t choose, He chose to allow it. So, choose today to believe He has given it great purpose. In 1,013 days from now, my prayer is that we’ll look back and be amazed, as I am today, at how He has carried us, provided for us, hidden us in the shadow of His wing, spoken to us and given us all that we need. This is my hope for us friends! If you agree, commit with me in the comments. We will trust the Lord together, day by day!
Cheering you on always,
***If you’d like a FREE 3×5 printable of Isaiah 43:1 CLICK HERE. Carry truth with you!***
