“But to all who did receive him, to those believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” John 1:12
When we returned from our long trip to visit family, our toddler squealed and smiled as we crossed the threshold of our home. Surprised, I looked at my husband and said, “He recognizes we’re home!” I was amazed by his familiarity with his surroundings at such a young age.
As our family has grown, I’ve watched my husband faithfully father our children. The way he looks into our daughter’s eyes. The times he holds her hand as she navigates the stairs. The smiles he gives when she leans in to give him a goodbye kiss and runs to him with her arms wide open when he returns from work. I was 14 months old when my parents divorced.
I wonder if I missed the deep sound of his voice or the strong embrace of his arms.
I wonder if I missed the playful tosses into the air or the loving gazes I see my husband give my little girls.
I certainly relished in the love of my mother and won’t discount all the ways she built me. Still, I wonder if I recognized, even then, how my dad’s absence changed my environment and how that affected me. As I watch my toddlers interact with family and their environment, I’m sure I recognized change. Life without dad would become the new normal; the only normal I have ever known.
Two years ago I had the pleasure of doing Beth Moore’s study, “The Quest.” I totally recommend it! In one of the beginning chapters she asks questions that are found in scripture to help the reader orient themselves in life’s journey. These questions are a powerful tool in acknowledging and examining where we are in order to continue on the “quest” with our Heavenly Father.
The first question is taken from God in the garden with Adam and Eve. After they sinned by disobeying God, He asked them, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9) This is a great question to ask ourselves to stop and evaluate where we truly are in life. However, it was Beth’s second question that struck me the most. Adam responds to God’s first questions with a confession. “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” God responds, “Who told you that you were naked?” This is the basis for the second orienting question: “Who told you that?” My eyes froze on the question as the simplicity struck me. What we’re told is only as good as the source is honest and trustworthy who spoke it. It was the enemy, and what he told them was a lie.
What I have discovered is that, like Adam and Eve, I have also been lied to by the enemy. The absence of my father told me a few things about myself: I wasn’t valuable enough to stay around, I wasn’t worth the struggle or sacrifice, and I wasn’t good enough to win his love. Every negative experience I have had with people as I grew only confirmed these lies as I navigated life.
I want to say something really important here: I’m not blaming my dad or others for my wounds. I’m saying that without somebody speaking my true identity as a daughter of God into me as I grew, my lens was warped. The evidence supporting the lies was all around me. I interpreted my value through the actions and words of other human beings. How I was received or rejected told me more about myself than anything else. I measured my value by my experience with human beings. This is never solid ground to stand on.
Who, by their words or actions, told you that you were not valuable? Who told you that you weren’t worth it? That you would never be good enough? Who told you that? As I examined the broken areas of my heart, I found there were many lies I believed. They became my identity. I needed to work for approval. I needed to be good at something to be valuable. I needed to be perfect to be loved… Until God showed me otherwise.
He brings the healing we need from the wounds we receive. We desperately need to fill our hearts with the truth of who God says we are in His word. We are His beloved daughters. If we don’t establish our identities in who He says we are, we find something or someone to tell us who we are. We become imprisoned in their lies.
In John 1:12, we see that if we have received and believed in Him we have been given the right to be His children. There is no other condition but belief. As children, we have a natural desire to want to please our earthly fathers and earn their affection. The affection of God, however, is freely given and cannot be earned.
In fact, no past failure could ever deter Him from pursuing you. His heart for you is unlike even the most wonderful love we receive from our faithful human father’s in this life. It is better. It is perfect. God’s love is freely given for us to receive and believe,even while He knew how we would sin. He knew we would love ourselves more than anything else. He knew how we would fail and fall, and that we would betray Him. That did not stop His journey to the cross. (Romans 5:8) If we believe, where we’ve come from and what we’ve done has no say. We have the right to become children of God! In being called children, we inherit everything the scriptures teach as true about children of God. There is endless goodness found in our inheritance!
Our identities are founded on truth. Our value as humans is established by God and not by any circumstance. We were created in His image. (Genesis 1:27) We are carefully crafted in our mother’s wombs by His hand. (Psalm 139:13-14)
What I believed about my value because of the absence of my father was not true. Whether you have a present and engaged dad or not, these lies try to rob us of our true identity as daughters of God. What lies have you believed and WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
Friends, even our best, present and faithful fathers fall short of saving us from mistaken identity.
The truth is…
We are perfectly loved. (John 3:16)
We are saved. (Ephesians 2:8)
We are forgiven. (Colossians 1:13-14)
We are new creations. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
We are free. (John 8:36)
Who told you that? God Himself.
Cheering you on always,
Sited from above: Moore, Beth. The Quest. Nashville, Lifeway Press, 2017.
