Tag: when hope is real

10 Ways to Wait Well

Kendra Pope2 Comments

Happy May Day!! I can’t even believe it’s here. Normally, we would be knee deep in preparing for camp staff to arrive, but strangely, we’re all home taking care of other things. How’s your waiting game going? Whether we like it or not, friend, we’re in a holding pattern. It grades against our patience as a microwave society to wait on anything, and this wait is EXTREME. Days are blurring together and emotions are unpredictable with COVID keeping us waiting. I can hear John Mayer now, “I keep on waitin’- waitiiiin, waitin’ on the world to change.” 

So, we pretty much all agree it is safest to stay home as much as possible at this point unless we need to be out. Our schedules have slowed, or at least what we had going on outside of our homes. As a mother and wife, my reality is a bit different. My schedule is PACKED. There’s more eating, more cooking, more chores, more playing, more messes, more schooling, more arguing, more of so many things we are not used to dealing with on a day-to-day basis. Anyone else??? I almost had an anxiety attack typing that all out!

By the grace of God, I have found some ways to make the most of this time. Let’s not haphazardly let time pass us by, friends. Let’s resolve to wait well together. Waiting well doesn’t equal being productive or creating all the fun and entertainment we can, but it does mean finding a new normal, just for this unique season, and living it well. I KNOW we can do this together. Here is  a list of 10 ideas that can move you toward killing it while we wait! (Sing the phrase killing it while we wait to the tune of “whistle while you work” and you’re guaranteed to kill it sooner.;-))

  1. Stay active. Move your body! This has an endless list of benefits for your physical, mental and emotional health! Morning Meltdown 100 is totally working for me right now. Find something that will work for you and get busy, girl!! It can be yoga, stretching and breathing routines, home video (or YouTube) workouts, walks or jogs. Maybe you’ll even work your way from a walk to a jog. The possibilities are endless. Who would have thought you’d come out of a pandemic a runner?
  2. Rest Well. How do you get your best rest? For me, it’s an actual nap or a warm cup of coffee in a cozy chair with the Bible or a good book to read. What rejuvenates you? For my husband, it is shooting around or fishing. No matter how you relax, make time for a purposeful pause. Especially when you’re feeling like you’re about to explode. We talked about this in a school parent meeting today! I didn’t have the words purposeful pause, but I was definitely practicing it. When emotions begin to boil, leave the scene, if possible, and take some deep breaths. Give your emotions to God and come back and try again.
  3. Seek perspective. Our thoughts are powerful, and as John Maxwell says, what we focus on swells. Be especially attentive to your mental health. What types of thoughts have taken up residence in your mind? Pay attention and jot them down or say them out loud. If they are unhealthy or unproductive, you can choose to think about something else. Immersing myself in the truth of who God’s word is always a perspective changer for me. A good conversation with a friend or spouse can help too. You can acknowledge things are hard right now and also acknowledge they could be much, much worse. 
  4. Show kindness by speaking kindly to each other. It seems elementary, but you know how long a day can be with all the needs swirling around us at times. Write letters, texts, emails. Face time, zoom friends and family you’d like to send a virtual hug. Show acts of kindness to those in your household. I got the idea today of making mailboxes with the kids and setting them up to drop letters in to family members within our household. They can be about anything, and we all love getting mail! 
  5. Reach out. Even when you don’t feel like it. Sometimes, a quick text or call to a friend can get us out of our own heads when we’re dwelling on the negative.. Let your friends and family know you’re thinking about them, praying for them. Let them know you love them. Call a trusted friend when you’re feeling down and let them know you need their help. If you can safely and wisely volunteer your time or resources outside of your home, by all means, do it girlfriend!
  6. Get Creative. Try New Meals and recipes with your older kiddos (cooking with littles stresses me out!! Anyone else?). Try New Games. Try musical and creative arts activities. Play imaginative games with kids. I’m not the best at playing with kiddos (my hubs does this really well) but when I do, it’s always worth it. I’m a fan of reading books though and they really do love both.
  7. Ready. Set. RESET! It’s time. Schedule a couple of hours to reflect on the year. Debrief. Where did you think you would be at this point? Are you disappointed? Are you proud of yourself? With the restrictions that are in place, what needs to change? Maybe think of it like a new New Year Resolution and RESET. Take everything into consideration, because things have changed enormously, the virus, state restrictions, what is best for your family, what is best for you and begin to plan fresh?
  8. Find a healthy online community. Join a pre-existing Bible Study. Proverbs 31 Ministries has these! Get the house party app. Add friends and family and play games from afar. Create a group chat on zoom or Face time with uplifting friends or family members. Maybe even read a book together. Join established, online fitness communities or start one with your family or a couple of friends yourself. Did you know that WHIR has a Facebook group? I’d love to see you there too!
  9. Extend Grace. It’s tough spending every waking moment with the same people, even the ones you love the most. In our homes, let’s practice giving people forgiveness, even when they don’t deserve it. This is the grace God has shown us. Let’s pay it forward. On social media and amongst others, try to understand people’s views that are different from your own. You don’t have to agree to extend undeserved favor (grace). Also, you don’t have to stay in unhealthy spaces.
  10.  Draw Near to Jesus. There is a wonderful promise in James 4:8 that says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” Don’t believe it, try it! He tells us to come to Him, friends. He desires this always, but in Matthew 11:28, He specifically invites us when we are “weary and heavy laden.” Don’t pass up this invitation. Write out your thoughts and prayers to Him. He already knows all of them, but He wants to hear from us. Open up the Bible and read. There are so many free, online tools you can learn from and I put money on the teaching of the Holy Spirit to lead and “guide you in all truth.” Our enemy would love nothing more than us keeping our Bibles shut. Don’t give him that pleasure. As Jesus says of Mary when she sat at His feet and listened, “There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42 

Whew! Those are all (well most) of my thoughts and ideas. I hope some of that is an encouragement to you. Waiting well is all about taking the time to prioritize things that truly make us well. You’ve got this friend! 

When Hope is real… I can wait well.

What is working well for you or your family as you wait? Drop a comment! Let’s inspire each other!

Cheering you on always,

***I want to take time to extend a huge thank you to those people on the front lines and in essential work who are out “waiting” in an unspeakable way. You are in my prayers and you truly are the heroes of the time. This season will end dear friends.***

Daddy Issues Part 3

Kendra Pope4 Comments

“But to all who did receive him, to those believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” John 1:12

When we returned from our long trip to visit family, our toddler squealed and smiled as we crossed the threshold of our home. Surprised, I looked at my husband and said, “He recognizes we’re home!” I was amazed by his familiarity with his surroundings at such a young age. 

As our family has grown, I’ve watched my husband faithfully father our children. The way he looks into our daughter’s eyes. The times he holds her hand as she navigates the stairs. The smiles he gives when she leans in to give him a goodbye kiss and runs to him with her arms wide open when he returns from work. I was 14 months old when my parents divorced. 

I wonder if I missed the deep sound of his voice or the strong embrace of his arms.

I wonder if I missed the playful tosses into the air or the loving gazes I see my husband give my little girls.

I certainly relished in the love of my mother and won’t discount all the ways she built me.  Still, I wonder if I recognized, even then, how my dad’s absence changed my environment and how that affected me. As I watch my toddlers interact with family and their environment, I’m sure I recognized change. Life without dad would become the new normal; the only normal I have ever known. 

Two years ago I had the pleasure of doing Beth Moore’s study, “The Quest.” I totally recommend it! In one of the beginning chapters she asks questions that are found in scripture to help the reader orient themselves in life’s journey. These  questions are a powerful tool in acknowledging and examining where we are in order to continue on the “quest” with our Heavenly Father. 

The first question is taken from God in the garden with Adam and Eve. After they sinned by disobeying God, He asked them, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9) This is a great question to ask ourselves to stop and evaluate where we truly are in life. However, it was Beth’s second question that struck me the most. Adam responds to God’s first questions with a confession. “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” God responds, “Who told you that you were naked?”  This is the basis for the second orienting question: “Who told you that?”  My eyes froze on the question as the simplicity struck me. What we’re told is only as good as the source is honest and trustworthy who spoke it. It was the enemy, and what he told them was a lie. 

What I have discovered is that, like Adam and Eve, I have also been lied to by the enemy. The absence of my father told me a few things about myself: I wasn’t valuable enough to stay around, I wasn’t worth the struggle or sacrifice, and I wasn’t good enough to win his love. Every negative experience I have had with people as I grew only confirmed these lies as I navigated life. 

I want to say something really important here: I’m not blaming my dad or others for my wounds. I’m saying that without somebody speaking my true identity as a daughter of God into me as I grew, my lens was warped. The evidence supporting the lies was all around me. I interpreted my value through the actions and words of other human beings. How I was received or rejected told me more about myself than anything else.  I measured my value by my experience with human beings. This is never solid ground to stand on. 

Who, by their words or actions, told you that you were not valuable? Who told you that you weren’t worth it? That you would never be good enough? Who told you that? As I examined the broken areas of my heart, I found there were many lies I believed. They became my identity. I needed to work for approval. I needed to be good at something to be valuable. I needed to be perfect to be loved… Until God showed me otherwise. 

He brings the healing we need from the wounds we receive. We desperately need to fill our hearts with the truth of who God says we are in His word. We are His beloved daughters. If we don’t establish our identities in who He says we are, we find something or someone to tell us who we are. We become imprisoned in their lies. 

In John 1:12, we see that if we have received and believed in Him we have been given the right to be His children. There is no other condition but belief. As children, we have a natural desire to want to please our earthly fathers and earn their affection. The affection of God, however, is freely given and  cannot be earned. 

In fact, no past failure could ever deter Him from pursuing you. His heart for you is unlike even the most wonderful love we receive from our faithful human father’s in this life. It is better. It is perfect. God’s love is freely given for us to receive and believe,even while He knew how we would sin. He knew we would love ourselves more than anything else. He knew how we would fail and fall, and that we would betray Him. That did not stop His journey to the cross. (Romans 5:8) If we  believe, where we’ve come from and what we’ve done has no say. We have the right to become children of God! In being called children, we inherit everything the scriptures teach as true about children of God. There is endless goodness found in our inheritance!

Our identities are founded on truth. Our value as humans is established by God and not by any circumstance. We were created in His image. (Genesis 1:27) We are carefully crafted in our mother’s wombs by His hand. (Psalm 139:13-14)

What I believed about my value because of the absence of my father was not true. Whether you have a present and engaged dad or not, these lies try to rob us of our true identity as daughters of God. What lies have you believed and WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

Friends, even our best, present and faithful fathers fall short of saving us from mistaken identity. 

The truth is… 

We are perfectly loved. (John 3:16)

We are saved. (Ephesians 2:8)

We are forgiven. (Colossians 1:13-14)

We are new creations. (2  Corinthians 5:17)

We are free. (John 8:36)

Who told you that? God Himself.

Cheering you on always,

Sited from above: Moore, Beth. The Quest. Nashville, Lifeway Press, 2017.